Ryo couldn’t believe he was actually such a pathetic person, on the outside people must have thought he was tough and cool and that he doesn’t have to be nice to attract a crowd that would happily kiss his ass. To uphold that image, Ryo had to stay mean, at least in public, but it was slowly eating into him and he was becoming increasingly incapable of expressing himself, the true him. In a recent interview, he was asked by the announcer whether he had any moments that he was actually lonely, who could have believed that as a celebrated handsome idol, he was in fact, always lonely. There he was now, experiencing the loneliness first hand. Sick on his bed, quarantined at home. That was why he hated holidays, if he went to work at least there were people surrounding him, attending to his this and that, coworkers to joke with or members to tease at. He hated being alone at home.

 He pressed a button on the remote to turn on the TV, not at all surprised by the exaggerated news of him and Yamapi having contracted flu A and had to take some rest from work and stay at home. Some weird feeling appeared in his chest as he watched the news showing pictures of Yamapi, Ryo had finally realized the fault he had done, having played such a silly prank. He remembers that it was after that night he and Pi had kissed that Pi got all angry at him. Ryo raised his fingers to touch his lower lip, reminiscing Pi’s soft lips, how could he explain that he didn’t really plan for the “infecting” part in order to hurt Pi’s pride of being strong. The kiss was, well, Pi was the one that kissed him first, Ryo only kissed him back, how could Pi be sure whether the germ was transmitted in the first or second kiss. Ryo pouted, why should I be the one to blame? He kissed me first, I’m the victim here… His head was spinning and once again the whole story didn’t patch up. Ryo decided to give up and go back to sleep.

 It was gnawing Pi from the insides, feeling terribly guilty for the words and attitude he’s given Ryo recently. He really wanted to know how Ryo felt about “them”, but Ryo never appeared to him anywhere being homosexual and suddenly he was glad Ryo didn’t grasp his prior confession, or not their relationship could have gotten all awkward and stuff.

 Stranded at home, Pi turned to watch the recording of the 24 hr TV. His mother had actually recorded the whole show for him, or for herself, she liked keeping everything Pi had been in and Pi had always been grateful for such a loyal fan. Pi fast forwarded the video to the SP drama Ryo was in. Pi had decided, once and for all, that he would conceal his feelings for Ryo, in the end, the risks of losing a dear friend was much more grave than never achieving your love. He could probably stay content with watching Ryo from afar, or watching him on TV.

 Tears streamed down Pi’s face as he watched the drama, he knew it, once he saw Ryo’s face, and that sad and helpless face at that, he would once again be drawn into those dark absorbing orbs and lose himself. Ryo was occupying his every thought and he needed him. He wanted to hold him and tell him how he felt, even if he was to be detested by Ryo afterwards, he needed to let him know.

“Ryo, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

……………..

“Can I come over?”

…………………….

Pi ran over to Ryo’s place as fast as his legs could carry him, Ryo wasn’t replying any messages and panic swept over Pi with a cold sweat. Ryo looked awful the previous day, yes it was only a flu, and he himself was ill too, Pi knew he was being unreasonable but, only for Ryo, he would feel uncomfortable and worried even if it were just a papercut.

Pi’s heart pounded as he waited at the door.

Open the damn door, I need to see you.

 The door finally opened and Ryo stood in the gap in pajamas and a sleepy face.

“What are you doing here?” Ryo spoke in his usual interrogative tone yet he clearly appeared surprised.

 “… I was bored and… apparently you were the only person I could meet legally now…” Pi wanted to punch himself for the stupid answer, why couldn’t he just push open the door and embrace Ryo.

 Ryo looked at Pi with a query expression but didn’t push on further.

“ … Aren’t you supposed to be ill, you don’t look like so…”

“Are you letting me in?”

Ryo backed up and opened up the door a bit more. “I don’t see how you won’t be bored here though, there’s nothing to do here and I’m not gonna entertain you.”

Pi went in through the widened gap, starring at Ryo the whole time, he was addicted to Ryo’s attitude and face so much it was scaring him.

 Ryo widened his eyes and frowned. “What?”

“… just continue doing what you were doing, I just needed the company, I’ll just sit around.” Ryo pressed his lips together. “Alright then, I’ll go back to bed.” Ryo turned to leave then turned around again. “The least you could bring some juice Pi, visiting a sick person like that…”

Ryo jumped back on his bed and pulled the blankets up to cover his grin, he really wanted to see Pi and even though Pi probably chose him out of all people to visit since he didn’t want to infect Jin and Toma etc. Ryo didn’t mind, right now he was glad Pi was here, the only person he wanted to see the most.

 Pi sat at the couch looking around the room, he hadn’t been here a lot of times, but everything here felt familiar and smelt of Ryo, and it was so comforting. He wondered if true love was like that, wanting to be around the person wherever they were. It was curing to just know that Ryo was in another room sleeping, knowing he was not too ill and that he could just go in the room and marvel at him whenever he wanted to.

 And Pi wanted to right that second.

“Ryo… are you sleeping?”Pi whispered.

Pi sat cross legged beside Ryo’s bed so his head rested on the mattress, in line with Ryo’s face lying sideways. Ryo was so angelic he thought, perfectly shaped face, tall nose, large eyes with long lashes, plump pale lips and perfect teeth. He couldn’t help but stare at the beauty of it.

 “What are you looking at?” Ryo mumbled. Popping open his eyes and looking at Pi.

Pi almost jumped.

“ehh…”

“You had something to say? You said so on the phone…” Ryo questioned tentatively.

Whatever it was Pi wanted to say, Ryo kinda wanted to get it over quickly, the recent few days his mind was entangled with so much Pi he wanted to free himself, whether Pi really hated him and wanted to end their friendship, or Pi wanted to punch him for spreading him his flu, he just wanted to get done with it.

“..I wanted to say sorry Ryo…”

“…and I want to tell you, I like you.”

Pi froze and looked at Ryo’s face for any response, but Ryo just laid emotionless and stared back.

Ryo smiled weakly eventually and looked at Pi, “Thank you for not telling me you hate me again, Thanks Pi, It means a lot…” He closed his eyes again with the smile upwiped.

 “NO!! I mean it! listen…” Pi got a bit frantic, he lowered his voice when he realized. Ryo frowned and opened his eyes again. “Come on, you should sleep too, you don’t look yourself…” Ryo pulled Pi up so Pi laid beside him. Pi felt his heart pumping quickly as he felt Ryo breathing against his ear, he turned his eyes to glimpse at Ryo. Ryo smiled and placed an arm around Pi’s torso and leaned closer. “Good night Pi.” Ryo whispered with his head nudging into Pi’s shoulder. “let’s wake up tomorrow all healthy and well.”

 It was sweet, but Pi decided he couldn’t let it stop at that, if he had the courage, it was now, he wriggled so Ryo lifted up his head and let him go, Pi then turned sideways towards Ryo.

 “Ryo, I meant I like you, as in, I want us to be a couple…”

Pi tried to portray some confidence but his voice was trembling.

Ryo froze as if in shock, Pi could only wait eagerly for his answer whilst their faces were too dangerously close for his liking and temptation.

In Ryo’s head, he was finally able to patch up the story, how he and Pi got into a fight, apparently, Pi had tried to confess to him on the first night already but Ryo had been completely ignorant to it and even made it a joking matter later on. He raised his hand up to his forehead disbelieving how stupid he was. These couple of days, he had been getting more distraught by the fact that he had realized he couldn’t be without Pi, but Pi was getting increasingly detested of him it was hard to bear, his heart was blooming now to know it was otherwise. Even though Ryo had never been in a relationship with a guy, he was starting to think now after many failed attempts at love, that love was something beyond gender. Besides, he really liked Pi, a lot.

 “Ryo-chan… I know it’s kinda weird for you to accept, and I know you’re not into these things, and …I never knew I was either…but…”

Pi was forced to discontinue when Ryo moved in and pressed their lips together, the kiss got more heated immediately once Pi understood he was accepted. Ryo wanted more and soon he was roaming over Pi’s body, between cough and sweat. “Ryo?” Pi pressed his hand on Ryo’s forehead and was exclaimed at the heat. “O shit, you’ve got a fever, just lie down already!”

 “I don’t want it to end…” Ryo whined as he coughed. Pi smiled as he sat up and laid Ryo down on the pillow. “We won’t ever end silly.”

Ryo seemed satisfied with the answer and contently closed his eyes to sleep, head resting near Pi’s thigh. Pi brushed Ryo’s hair softly and soon fell asleep himself.

Pi woke up next morning to find Ryo not in bed, he quickly scrambled out of the room to find Ryo at the stove making breakfast. Ryo smiled widely at him. “Ohayou Pi, I’m making breakfast~” Ryo was in a happy mood.

“You’re alright already? That’s pretty fast!” Pi laughed.

“Guess my body didn’t want to wait any longer, so it decided to get well already…” Ryo smirked as he moved closer to Pi, Pi moved backwards until he was pushed against the wall, Ryo smashed their lips together and his hand wandered down Pi’s smooth muscular back.

 Pi knew Ryo was an aggressive one but he didn’t mind, he was desperate to feel every inch of Ryo as well.

“What about breakfast?” Pi teased.

“I’m only hungry for you…” Ryo whispered as he pushed Pi down on the bed.

                             ****

Both Ryo and Pi were back to work the next day, though, at separate places.

“Don’t you dare kiss Kitagawa-san again.”

“ (><’’) It’s my job, I don’t want to either…”

“Then I’ll go kiss Takki…”

“Hey! That’s not even in the script.”

“….That’s not fair…”

“I’ll kiss you twice as much tonight… promise.”

“Thrice plus fringe benefits.”

“Haha…alright, deal.”

“Eh?!” Shige and Koyama exclaimed in unison, “What did you do to Yamapi Ryo-chan?” Koyama looked very worried, as expected, these were one of the scenes he feared most between members.

 Ryo bit his lower lip and stuck his hands in his pockets, starring at the slammed doors. He didn’t really know what happened, okay he probably did, but seriously did Pi think he had an intension of spreading the germ to him? It was a joke didn’t he get it?

 Ryo stood stunned for a minute before he ran off out the doors. Koyama and Shige were too late to catch him.

 Ryo searched every room in the few floors near theirs but no sight of Pi could be seen, his heart beating really fast as he started panicking. Pi had never gotten this mad at him, everyone knew Pi had a big heart and was tolerant of any stupid prank even if it meant his belongings getting ruined and spoilt.

 “Pi, where are you?”

 …………..

“Pi, I’m sorry for whatever I did, it was a joke. I didn’t mean it, sorry.”

 …………………

 “Pi, I’m really sorry, I really didn’t mean it. Answer me.”

 “Nishikido, I hate you and I mean it.”

 Ryo felt his eyes getting watery, Pi hated him, having said it once to his face and once on his phone for record keeping. Ryo starred lifelessly at the screen on his cellphone, his heart was tearing in pain.

Ryo eventually came to the roof of the building, he didn’t reply Pi’s last message because he didn’t want any further confirmation. I’m sure he’s trying to play a prank on me too, Ryo smiled to himself trying hard to convince himself that everything was not happening, although deep inside he knew Pi wasn’t joking. He has known Pi for over a decade now and that was not how he joked. Pi’s eyes were genuinely hurt when he pulled on Ryo’s shirt. Ryo had done some major mistake and he was thinking hard on what it could possibly be.

 Ryo pushed open the big metal doors to the opening and there at the far end, he saw Pi leaning against the siderails looking out onto the landscape below.

“Pi!” Ryo ran up to the sad looking figure excitedly, as he got closer, he noticed on Pi’s beautiful face, a reflective trail left by tears. Ryo’s feet brought him to a thud as he analyzed the scene, he had never seen Pi so upset.

 “Pi…” Ryo kept a safe distance a few meters away.

 “Pi, I’m really sorry okay. It was a joke, I promise. I didn’t mean to tease you, you were so kind as to worry about me and visit me late at night, or not you would never have caught my cold…it’s all my fault.”

 Pi kept quiet as if in deep thoughts.

 “Piii…” Ryo started again. Pi stood straight and starting walking towards Ryo, then right pass him to the door. “We should get back to the meeting.” Pi mumbled, and disappeared back in the building. Ryo stood stunned for a few minutes before he slowly walked back to the NEWS room for their meeting on the 24 hr program.

The whole afternoon went by, with Pi acting as if nothing happened. Pi laughed at everyone’s jokes wholeheartedly and gave constructive comments on many things, but he deliberately avoided Ryo’s gaze and any direct conversation. Everything went on like nothing happened and even the sensitive Koyama was at ease when the meeting ended. “So tomorrow is the big day! Everyone get some good sleep tonight!” Pi announced at the end of the meeting. Tegoshi and others cheerfully replied “Yes leader!” and dispersed out of the room.

 Everyone was at ease, except Ryo. Maybe he wasn’t such a good actor after all, the whole afternoon all he could do was think about Pi’s sad expression. He thought hard about what he had done. Sure he had tried to sound pitiable so Pi couldn’t enjoy himself at the club as much, that was all Ryo had planned initially, he didn’t like being left out of the Jin and Pi hangout party, he felt lonely every time Pi was with either Jin or Toma or any other party where he wasn’t involved. He knew that was childish. When he was in Osaka with his crazy Kanjani bunch, Pi had told Ryo jokingly that since Ryo had his own “supportive group”, he had to be independent too. It was during NEWS’ suspension when Ryo was always in Osaka Pi became closer and closer to Toma and Jin and soon Ryo felt he was not really needed anymore. Ryo hated that because he thought Pi was always there for his claiming, which was obviously not true at least anymore. Ryo hadn’t known himself to be such possessive and easily jealous. All he wanted was to be wherever Pi was… Ryo gagged on his own thoughts, it almost sounded as if he were gay. Ryo chuckled. “Gee… I must be going crazy…”

 Pi didn’t end up doing what he instructed everyone to do, that of having a good night sleep. He called Jin and met at a pub again that night.

 “When did you like drinking this much?” Jin laughed, “Thought you had to get some sleep before your 24 hour show.”

 Pi glared at Jin and gulped down the mug of beer.

 “You’re upset about something aren’t you?” Jin looked at Pi intensely. It was rare Jin was such observant, Pi thought he must have really looked awful. Pi didn’t answer and sloshed his umpteenth glass of beer.

 The younger man was soon pretty much drunk as he laid his head on the table, his face rosy red. “Jin…I…” Jin looked at his best friend. “Pi, what’s going on? I’ll call someone to pick you up ok? I still have to meet with Kame.”

 Ryo arrived after some minutes. His heart raced when Jin called him. “Hey Ryo-chan, come get your leader, he’s slump like a dead fish.” Pi was indeed slumped on the table when Ryo came, almost unconscious. Ryo frowned. “What’s going on here? Were you guys playing those stupid drinking games again?” He felt himself getting angry at Jin although the fault was probably his, though he hoped Jin would reply yes, and he would feel much more comfortable. “Of course not!” Jin snapped. “And this time HE called me out for your information, I’m not so stupid to not know you guys have to work full day tomorrow and totomorrow.” Ryo let out a small laugh, “Bakanishi, there’s nothing as totomorrow for your information.” Jin pouted, “Whatever, get him home safe! I got to meet Kame now, bye!”

 Ryo carried Pi to the taxi, which was a very difficult task seeing Pi was both taller and heavier than him and the fact he was unconscious added extra to the weight. What are you thinking Pi, you’ll get such a bad headache tomorrow. Ryo whispered. He laid Pi’s head down on his lap and grinded down the windows to let the cool night breeze in, hoping it would clear his mind.

 Carrying Pi up to his mansion proved an even harder task, especially at these odd hours, Ryo almost felt he was trying to secretly transfer a body out of a crime scene. Ryo managed to open the door and his exhaustion finally gave in as he fell on the floor with Pi toppling on top of him. The smaller man turned around and now Pi was on top of him face to face, Ryo swore the position they were in was much too awkward especially when Pi was so listless his whole weight was on Ryo. “Get off of me Pi!” Ryo didn’t know if he had really gone crazy because at a condition so messy as this, erotic imaginations were actually popping in his head, he felt his member twitch and his insides turning a bit.

 Pi managed to regain some consciousness and straightened his arms to lift himself a bit off Ryo. “Jin…”

Ryo thought Pi’s voice was damn sexy when he was drunk, but his guts were flaming hearing someone else’s name being called. “I’m not Jin you idiot!” Ryo tried to push Pi away but Pi was too big for his drained strength.

 “Ryo…”

 “Eh!? No kidding, you’re actually awake! Then get off me, you’re too heavy Pi!”

“Jin…” Ryo started getting confused. “Jin…” Pi was sobbing now and Ryo didn’t know what to do but stare at the man hovering above him, he had given up trying to get away from the position, his muscles were aching and his head hurt, he was reminded that he was actually suffering from a flu just yesterday. “Jin…” tears fell on Ryo’s face as Pi spoke, “Jin…Ryo…I hate him, I really hate Ryo…I don’t want to see him ever again…”

 
Ryo froze as he starred at Pi.

This was the third time that day. Indeed Pi must have really hated him. Ryo’s heart sank as he sobbed inside. What has he done to deserve such hatred from Pi, from someone he liked so much? His thinking was disturbed as Pi suddenly burst and puked over his chest. “Eewwwwwwwww! Pi!” Ryo exclaimed, he regained some momentary strength and pushed Pi on the floor next to him.

 Ryo couldn’t really get angry at the poor man laying on the floor, Pi was too beautiful even when he was dead drunk and stinky from the vomit. Ryo pulled his own T-shirt off and tossed it into the trash can. Then he carried Pi onto his bed, getting a damp towel to wipe Pi clean and removing superfluous clothing and shoes. Then he went back to clean the floor. It felt like he had been carrying rocks and building the pyramid after all was done.

 Ryo opened Pi’s drawer to look for a T-shirt for himself. He eyed a small wrapped package, the one he had given to Pi on his birthday this year. Ryo felt another sharp pain sweep over him. Pi didn’t even care about opening his gift.

 Ryo flopped himself on the couch, unknowing tears started falling and soon he wept uncontrollably, he didn’t even know why. The rain started pouring outside and Ryo blamed the rain for getting him all emotional. Ryo zipped up his parka, luckily not much vomitus landed on it or not he would have froze in the cold night. Ryo wanted to go home but he didn’t want to run in the rain risking another flu. He dozed off and soon it was morning. He decided he had to leave before Pi woke up, he peeped into Pi’s room, Pi was still sleeping soundly, Ryo smiled, but the scene from last night flowed through his mind and he felt his heart tug.

It was the day of the 24 hour Telebi, luckily they still had a few hours before a final meeting and full preparation. Ryo sneaked into Pi’s kitchen and made a pot of Okayu, NEWS’ leader needed some proper food and energy to lead them through this he thought, smiling weakly as he gave Pi another peek, Ryo left the apartment with the rain still pouring outside.

**************************

“Sorry Jin, and thanks, the okayu tastes wonderful. ^^”

 “Eh? No problem Pi, anytime. :)”

 
NEWS’ main personality work began and everyone was hyped up looking all genki dancing around and encouraging others. Pi hasn’t fully recovered and he cursed himself for drinking so much last night, he glanced at Ryo now and then when Ryo wasn’t paying attention. Ryo looked more awful than the day before, he was coughing again and looked really tired, although he tried to smile now and then, it was obvious something wasn’t too right. Ryo didn’t speak much during most parts of the show. As the leader, Pi was a bit pissed Ryo was in such bad shape. During the broadcast of Ryo’s SP drama, they finally had some chance to go back to their room for a rest.

 “Are you ok Ryo-chan, you look so beat.” Koyama went up to Ryo and ruffled his hair.
Pi watched the interaction between Koyama and Ryo, he was glad Koyama had also noticed this because he didn’t want to go up and ask Ryo, he’ll just let Koyama do the humanitarian work. Pi raised his voice from the corner he was standing fixing his hair in the mirror. “We should all be in top shapes for this show, it sucks that people have to see us looking all weary and restless when we’re supposed to be encouraging others don’t you think?” Pi made his voice as authoritative and mean as it could get. It should be Ryo’s turn to feel bad.

 Ryo smiled weakly at Koyama, “Yah, I’m fine, I’ll just get a nap now though.”

“Eh? You’re not watching your movie with us?” Tegoshi came over and whined when he overheard the conversation.

Ryo bit his lower lip, Pi’s heart fluttered at the adorable expression. “Nah, I don’t want to see it, it’s too embarrassing…” Ryo turned to his side on the couch, closing his eyes and rolling up his knees, hiding the tears that were coming out after hearing Pi’s unforgiving remark. “You guys should rest too, don’t watch it…” Ryo mumbled. Koyama chuckled, “Aww.. Ryo-chan, you’re too much…”

 Pi didn’t watched the movie with the others either. He knew it was a tear jerker. He cried like the dam burst when he watched 1 litre of tears already, he didn’t want to see Ryo’s innocent sad face again, not for now at least.

The next day came by and Ryo looked weaker than ever, Pi saw that Ryo wasn’t taking his breakfast and was wearing a coat when everyone was comfortable in T-shirts.

 Ryo rested his head on his crossed arms on the table, he felt awful, he had chills and parts of his body were aching and painful. His head felt heavy and his throat was dry and itchy. Ryo turned up to the man who patted his shoulder. “Nishikido-kun, I’m driving you to the hospital, you look too ill.” Their manager said. Pi watched the commotion from afar as the surrounding staff looked worryingly at the pale idol escorted by their manager.

 Ryo was absent from a few sections of the program thereafter, Pi heard Ryo had a high fever and was suffering from dehydration so he was given some intravenous fluids at the hospital. Ryo still came out to dance and sing with them to the best of his effort but his voice was hoarse and could barely keep up with the dance. Pi convinced himself though that although Ryo looked like the most heartrending creature on earth at that juncture, he should not be fooled, he kept his distance from Ryo and didn’t once consulted on his condition even when all the NEWS members crowded around Ryo to give him encouragement.

 ************************

 The telethon finally ended and Pi wearily pulled his tired body back home.

A fishy smell caught his attention at the genkan, following the smell he pulled a scrunched up T shirt out from his trash basket. Yuck, what is this? Opening up the shirt Pi recognized the pattern as one Ryo had. Pi felt his heart flinch. Why was Ryo’s shirt in his trash, and the awful smell? He tried patching up the whole story together but it didn’t really work. So he and Jin went out drinking the day before and then he got drunk, and Jin brought him home and made him okayu right? Unless not…

 “Jin. Didn’t you take me home that night I was drunk?”

 “Oh, I called Ryo to come pick you up cos I had to meet with Kame. Why?”

     "……………."

 “Didn’t you say, no problem, anytime, when I thanked you for the okayu?”

 “Eh? Ryo made you okayu ? That’s so nice of him.”

 “Jin… (>L<..)!!!”

 Pi felt awful, so Ryo had picked him up late that night, took him home, he had vomited and Ryo had cleaned him off. From the warm okayu, he had probably stayed all night til the next morning and made him okayu before he left.

   “Wasn’t it raining this morning?”

 “Raining? Yah, Since last night, I was at Kame’s place and Kame was screaming from the thunder. Haha :P”

 Pi wanted to hammer his own head. Ryo didn’t take any of his umbrellas, and from what he knew of him, he definitely didn’t have his own. So most probably Ryo was going back home drenched in the rain. Was that why he got all sick again? Pi frowned. Whether or not Ryo had played with his heart and gave him his flu, Ryo was still a sweet and shy kid that was so gentle he wouldn’t take advantage of having done something good. Wasn’t that exactly what Pi liked about him? Being all oblivious and cute, acting tough at times, and trying to be sarcastic to cover up his timidness? Maybe Ryo really didn’t sense Pi’s partial confession that other night, he shouldn’t really have blamed him should he?

IS IT OK IF I CRY?!?!!

WHY ISN'T THERE GOING TO BE A DVD FOR NEWS WINTER PARTY DIAMOND, IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CONCERT AND THERE WERE SO MANY NEW DANCES AND SONGS..

AND THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A DVD FOR KANJANI 8'S 2008 CONCERT AS WELL!!!! BUT AT LEAST THEY INCLUDED MORE CLIPS IN THEIR SINGLE INCLUDING SOME OF THE NEW STUFF!!!!

I HATE JOHNNY!!! TOTALLY BIAS ON KAT-TUN AND ARASHI AND HSJ!!!

I WANT MY DVD...(>___<...)......

Ryo was coughing like mad he could barely breathe properly, having to take deep breaths in the middle of his frantic coughs so his lungs could fill up in reserve.

 “You get sick much too often Ryo-chan” Pi chuckled.

 Ryo could only glare at him, unable to use that twisted tongue of his when he was coughing at the same time. His eyes filled with complaint of Pi’s lack of empathy and that of taking advantage when he was defenseless.

 Pi continued laughing, enjoying the rare opportunity of teasing Ryo all he liked with him having no space for retorting. “Pathetic… pathetic, look here.” Pi proudly pounded on his wide chest with an arrogant and teasing smile, “Ryo you should just gain some weight. See? I never get sick.”

 Ryo’s cough finally gives him a break and he hastily responds. “It’s not my fault I’m blessed with being lean and sexy…” Ryo coughs again at the most significant word in the sentence which in certain circumstances might have sounded like it was a lie, which of course wasn’t meant for in this case but only made more laughing point for Pi. Pi chucked. “Just go home and get some rest, I would’ve invited you to join Jin and me at the club tonight but I guess it would be too uncaring to drag you out like this.”

 Ryo gave Pi another look. “You’re mean Pi.”

Ryo lifted his bag up and left the NEWS room without another word. Pi watched as he left, Ryo’s eyes were somewhat watery and hurtful, Pi wondered if he had just went a bit over the edge, o but, he thought, Ryo was probably just coughing too much his eyes got watery.

Pi couldn’t enjoy himself as much as he would have liked to in the loud music and flirty girls dancing around. Ryo’s lonely face was printed in his head, and shit Ryo had a way of giving people a heartbreak when he wore his innocent sad face, it was no wonder why producers picked him for being the “nini” in the 24hr TV drama.

He tried messaging Ryo.

“How are you? Getting any better?”

after some long minutes.

“Pi, do you hate me?”

“Whaa? Why? Is your fever burning to your head?”

“never mind, bye.”

“Wait! What are you doing?”

……………..

 Pi was a patient person, but it was twenty minutes already and Ryo’s reply seemed like it would never come. Now he was really sorry they ended on such a bad note, it was just a flu right? Or was he mistaken and Ryo was actually suffering from some chronic illness that made him so small and frail. He must have been a very bad friend to not have notice and even still to laugh at his friend. Ryo sounded as if he was dying and now combining the alcohol, Pi’s mind was clouded with scary thoughts. NEWS would disband without Ryo, Kanjani 8 would disband without Ryo, and worse still, he didn’t really think he could live without Ryo. Sure, Ryo wasn’t really his best friend, he still had Toma, Jin etc. But Ryo… Ryo had a special place in his heart Pi had never taken much time to sit down and classify, he just knew Ryo was important, very important.

“I’m coming over”

Pi didn’t even care to wait for a reply from Ryo acknowledging that he could go to his place. He jumped off his stool and ran off out of the club without even saying bye to Jin, he knew he was being silly and illogical, Ryo was skinny but he was a healthy and strong man, there was no way he was gonna just die suddenly. No. And although Ryo was crazy at times, he wasn’t those who would be playing with suicide.

Why does Ryo-chan think I hate him? Pi frowned, his heart was beating so quick it was hurting.

Pi banged on Ryo’s door.

It was 1am and Pi was sure if Ryo still didn’t open the door soon, his neighbors would and would probably send Pi to jail. It took some long minutes of waiting before Pi could hear some squirming and someone motioning to the door.

 “What do you want?”

Ryo was standing at his door in a T-shirt and boxers. The apartment in the back dim and silent.

 “What were you doing?” Pi was worried sick with his own stupid thoughts, he knew Ryo was a possessive person and ignoring him like that might have already done some deep damage to his pride and disguised toughness.

 “Apparent enough isn’t it?” Ryo gave a disbelieving smirk and went back into his apartment, leaving the door open for Pi to enter. Pi followed Ryo into his bedroom and watched Ryo jump under the covers, curling into a fetal position away from Pi’s side.

 Pi went and sat at the edge of the bed looking down at Ryo. “Are you ok? Getting any better?” Pi was sure to make his voice as gentle as he could. Damn Ryo looked so fragile he wanted to cuddle him.

Ryo looked up and Pi could see under the dim ambient light reflecting on Ryo’s sparkly orbs that there were tears.

 “Why is it that everytime people, the media, whatever, they ask who your best friends in Johnny’s are, who you are closest to, you never mention me? It’s always Jin, Toma blah blah. When they ask you to talk about the other members in NEWS, you only mention how Koyama is mother like, Tegoshi is cute and likes to play pranks, how smart Shige is and how pretty Massu’s smile is… I’m always left out. You really hate me right? Pi…”

Pi’s felt his heart tying knots as he looked at Ryo. Did he really leave him out all this time? But it wasn’t true, he was sure Ryo was more important to him than all those other people, but he just couldn’t bring himself about to talk about their relationship, one Pi didn’t really have a grasp on. “No Ryo… listen…”

Ryo raised his hand and covered Pi’s lip with his fingers, forbidding Pi to carry on.

 “It’s ok, you don’t have to answer me… I don’t think I really want to know now.” Ryo’s hand went on to caress Pi’s face. Pi could feel the cold fingers touching lightly on his lips then moving onto his right cheek. Ryo’s fingers were trembling as if they were afraid that whatever they were touching would slip away like sand. Pi froze, whatever Ryo was doing right now was making everything more complicated for him.

Ryo suddenly lifted his body from his supine position and wrapped his arms around Pi. Leaning his head on Pi’s shoulder and tightening his arms, Pi could feel Ryo’s warm torso against his, the feeling was both suffocating yet intimate. Pi slowly raised his own arms to pull Ryo’s thin frame closer.

 Pi could hear Ryo’s soft voice blowing at his ear.

“It’s ok, I’m glad you are here now…” Ryo squeezed Pi some more then loosened his arms and looked directly at Pi. Their faces were so close Pi had to blink to avoid the double vision from making him dizzy.
 

Ryo smiled, his smile somewhat sheepish. “Thanks for coming Pi, good night.”

 Ryo flopped back down onto his bed and pulled the covers over half his face, turning away again in his signature curled sleeping posture.

Pi was perplexed, one second Ryo was all whiney, the next it was as if nothing happened and he was snoring away happily again. Ryo’s words however, kept spinning inside his head. He never knew Ryo was so concerned as to how Pi thought about him, where Pi placed him in his heart. Did Ryo, in some way, feel the same way he did? 

“Ryo…” Pi leaned in to speak against Ryo’s ear. “I’m…”

Ryo suddenly turned and their faces were once again only inches from each other.

Ryo looked shocked. “You’re way too close Pi-”

Before Ryo could finish off his sentence, Pi leaned down to close the small distance between them by pressing their lips together. Pi didn’t want to think anymore, it was the most appropriate thing he could ponder at that moment, and Ryo’s soft lips against his confirmed to him he had done the right thing.

The time stopped momentarily before Pi was pushed away by Ryo.
 

“Wha? What was that Pi?!”

Pi didn’t know how to answer and they both fell silent. After some while, a small smirk slowly crept over Ryo’s face.

“On second thought…” Ryo lifted his upper body up by leaning on one elbow, his other hand on Pi’s nape pulling him down and smashing their lips together again. This second kiss was much less innocent than the first peck, although not all wet with tongues battling, it was deep and passionate.
 

 Ryo broke off the kiss abruptly much to Pi’s dismay.

“I have to sleep Pi, see you in the morning!” Ryo’s smile was way too bright for an aftermath farewell, but Pi decided it was only right to give Ryo some room to rest. He left the apartment quietly, his heart still jumpy from what had happened just then.

Did Ryo approve of his thinking as well? After all this time Pi was finally more certain as to how his heart had placed Ryo all along. He liked Ryo, he liked him a lot, and Ryo wasn’t just plainly a friend.

 **********

Pi woke up with a bad headache the next morning, unlike those after plenty of alcohol. It was suspiciously of a different character. Pi felt his throat hurt and an urge to cough. Unmistakably he had came down with a flu. Pi felt achy here and there and it felt like the hardest task ever just to wake up, but the anticipation of seeing Ryo made him all excited and he was ready to leave already in minutes. It was a long time since Pi had been in love and god knows love makes people all light and cheery, he could hardly wait to push Ryo against the wall for a real smudge.

Pi pushed open the doors to the NEWS room, “Morning guys!” . After the explosive greeting, Pi couldn’t help but cough vigorously to clear his weird throat.

“You’re ill Pi-kun.” Tegoshi exclaimed.

Pi didn’t really have time to console Tegoshi and confirm he was alright yet, as he searched eagerly around the room for Ryo. Ryo was reading a book on the couch with his legs dangling off one edge and his back resting on another. Ryo turned his head up. “Hey, morning~”
 

 Pi went up to Ryo. “Ryo-chan, how are you feeling today?” Pi started coughing again.

Ryo looked up again and a big lop-sided smile started to spread across his face, he jumped up from the couch. “YOSH! I win!” Both arms bent in front with clenched fists.

 “Eh?” Pi was puzzled.

Ryo placed a hand on Pi’s shoulder and looked at him with a stern face. “And you say you’re so healthy and strong…” Ryo turned his head in a disapproving way. “Now you’ve caught my cold, what have you got to say for yourself?” Ryo stuck out his tongue teasingly, “You lose Pi, there you go for laughing at me.” Ryo laughed as he dropped back on the comfy couch.

 Pi’s eyes widened in astonishment. Did that mean all the crying, whining, hugging and kissing was an act? Just Ryo’s strategy of giving Pi his cold just to get him to pay back for laughing at him? But they kissed! It was so passionate, it cannot be. Pi always knew Ryo was a good actor but this was just too much.

And to think last night Pi was all excited about having found an answer to his years of confusion, having believed that Ryo was his one. His heart sank.

Ryo was joking and chatting with Shige and Koyama, totally unaware of the agony building inside his friend. Ryo seemed to have recovered completely and was less than interested in how he had hurt his friend both physically and psychologically.

Pi could feel his tears pooling under his eyes.

He hated Ryo.

Pi barged in between the chatting group and faced himself to Ryo. He pulled up Ryo’s shirt by the collar. “You are such a lowlife Ryo, I hate you.”

Before the bewildered Ryo could reply, Pi charged out of their room and slammed the doors.

        Everyone seemed astounded by the roar and began looking around searching for the origin. The lady and Ryo both looked up. Shige was standing a few meters away from their table with sweat dripping down his face probably the result of running. His eyes angry and determined.

        Ryo looked at Shige but his mind was blank.

        He didn’t know what to think. Is he coming to “rescue” me? Ryo frowned at the thought, as much as he wanted to escape, as much as he detested his present situation, the shame, the mockery, this was probably his last chance to make a fortune to pay off his family’s problems. Why was Shige always coming after him anyway, he already handed in his part of the assignment, that was perhaps the most responsible thing he thought he’d ever done.

        Shige went over to grab Ryo’s hand but was halted by Matsumoto just in time. “What do you think you’re doing Sir? You’re not welcomed here.” Shige glared at the shorter man in the flashy suit. “I’m bringing him with me no matter what.”

        Matsumoto let out a contemptuous laugh. “He’s our option for bidding today, the only way you’re gonna leave with him is if you win the auction, as if that’s even possible.” He satirized.

        Shige gulped. “I won’t lose…”

        Ryo looked at Shige incredulously, what’s gotten into this guy? Shige’s appearing up like that had somewhat shaken Ryo’s determination, should he just get up and leave? He didn’t sign anything yet, what if Shige really won, that would mean Shige would be losing a lot of money. Ryo didn’t want that, he’d be owing Shige too much. But, if he didn’t win, Ryo was going to have to sleep with some old lady tonight, the mere thought was too disgusting it gave him goosebumps.

        Shige handed over his folded piece of paper to Matsumoto with his bid written inside. Matsumoto shot him an amused look whilst he began opening the pieces of papers one by one and read out the bids. “700,000 yen, 850,000yen…” he announced. Admixed sounds of exclamations, excitement and disappointment could be heard over the room as Matsumoto continued. Ryo was a bit stunned too, by the amount he was worth.

        Matsumoto held up the last piece of paper, Shige’s scrunched up paper and gave Shige a deriding grin.

        He opened the piece of paper and stood stupefied.

        “… I’m pleased to announce the winner tonight… is this gentleman over here.” There was fiery and vexation in his voice. “Congratulations, here’s your prize” Matsumoto yanked Ryo by the wrist and placed his hand in Shige’s. “Now go!”

        Disbelief and sounds of awe echoed throughout the room. Confounded, Ryo followed Shige who was firmly gripping on his hand and pulling him out of the commotion in haste.

        “Get in the car!” Shige ordered. Ryo obediently obeyed, not knowing what else to do.

        The drive seemed to last forever, both of them silent, Ryo felt like his heart was beating uncoordinatedly, but Shige was sitting there beside him, the strange but pleasant calmness made him feel safe.

        Shige peeped at Ryo as he was driving, the man was looking more handsome than ever in the smart suit. He desperately wanted to think of some sensible thing to say so Ryo would look over aside from starring out the window. Pathetically he had lost himself again, intimidated by Ryo’s presence.

        They eventually arrived in front of an expensive looking apartment building in Daikanyama. Ryo got out of the car and gazed around, hiding his curiosity and shock at the wealth of his ex-classmate whom he had so brainlessly pestered as a baka. After what seemed like another hour in an elevator, they finally reached Shige’s door.

        Shige went in and Ryo followed. “Just make yourself at home.” Shige tried to smile in a friendly manner though his voice was trembling, kicking off his shoes he walked up the step separating the genkan from the rest of the apartment.

        Ryo stood without moving, looking down, feeling terribly ashamed of himself.

        Sensing the inanimate Ryo, Shige turned. “Nishikido? Ah…do you need something to drink?” It was the only stupid question he could think of.  

       Ryo turned his head up and looked at Shige who was a step above him. Shige was mesmerized by the sad eyes. They both stood silent again before Ryo took a step up to Shige shortening the distance between them to inches.

        Their proximity almost made Shige’s heart burst, he breathed heavily, before he could ponder what Ryo was plotting, Ryo pressed his lips onto Shige’s. Shige widened his eyes in astonishment, he had dreamt about his for so long, but he had no idea what to do in the real situation, he gave up thinking soon and melted into Ryo’s soft kiss, responding eagerly with tongues intertwining.

        Ryo suddenly broke off the kiss abruptly and stood back a little. “How may I serve you sir?”

        Shige was taken aback by the question, realizing that the kiss that had just answered his dreams was one out of duty. The silence was deafening but they were both out of words as they stood there. Ryo shot some glances at Shige who had his head ducked down trying to hide his face, he was weeping quietly, Ryo could feel it and it was ripping his insides. He didn’t want to hurt Shige but he really didn’t know what his role was. In the end, Shige had paid to have him there, was there something else Shige wanted? Ryo pressed his lips together feeling guilty.

        For what seemed like eternity, Shige finally raised his face.

        “Ryo, I love you…” Shige was choking in his tears. “… I love you so much I don’t even know how to be myself anymore… can’t you just… just stop being that distant…” Tears were overflowing on Shige’s face and Ryo watched with his heart aching like a hammer slashing through.

        Love… it wasn’t the first time he’d heard someone confess to him, but the first time he felt his heart responding.

        Ryo pulled Shige into his embrace, so tight Shige thought he would suffocate, but it was warm and earnest. Ryo tightened his arms and leaned on Shige’s shoulder, breathing through his clothes, smelling the floral scent of the detergent.

        “Shige…” The older man whispered in Shige’s ear, Shige perked them up to hear Ryo’s small voice, longing yet apprehended of what Ryo was going to say. “Shige… I don’t really know, but I think… I think I love you too…”

        Shige’s heart bloomed, it was the happiest moment in his life. He pulled Ryo into another kiss, this time even more passionate, heating up as they pulled each other closer, feeling the friction and warmth against their aroused bodies.

        Shige led the way though their inseparable kisses to his bedroom, gently pushing Shige down, Ryo climbed over and continued their kiss. One thing led to another, soon they were panting heavily.

        Ryo rolled off Shige and lied beside him supine. Opening his eyes as Shige gently pulled the blanket over him.

        “I love you Shige.”

        Shige gleamed at Ryo’s shy pouty face at the confession. “I love you too Ryo, more than anything in the world…” He leaned in and kissed Ryo.

        Ryo blushed and turned to lean on his side so he could see Shige. He caressed Shige’s face as he smiled gently and closing his eyes. Shige could see the tiredness on Ryo’s face.

        “Ryo-chan…” Shige whispered.

        Ryo popped his eyes open and frowned “Don’t call me that!”

        Shige chuckled. He loved Ryo’s timidness and strong pride in trying to act otherwise. “Why did they call it your virgin’s night anyway, you can’t be a virgin right?” Ryo shot Shige a glare. “Have you ever slept with a guy?”

        “Well…not really…”

        “What do you mean not really?” Ryo reprimanded.

        “Hahah!! You’re jealous!” Shige laughed at Ryo’s jealous face.

       “Well, no… I haven’t, so there, don’t get angry…” Shige began.

        Ryo pouted, “see… so you’re a virgin too…”

        Shige laughed softly, then with a slightly more serious tone to change the subject. “Ryo, can you let me help you… please… I just want you to come back to school with me…”

        Ryo looked at Shige straight in the eye which frightened Shige a bit. “I don’t know how rich you are Shige, but I can’t take charity from you… besides, the amount is just too large. I don’t want to owe you anything.”

        “I saved you from the wicked witch tonight didn’t I? You owe me anyways.”

        Ryo sighed. “True… how much did you actually bid me for?”

        Shige grinned mischievously. “If I can own you for one night with 10yen, you would belong to me for the rest of my life if I paid off your father’s dept.” Shige beamed, “sounds like a good deal to me!”

        “10yen?! What’s that?”

        Shige smiled “I gave that guy a sheet telling him that I could either give him 10yen or use it to call the cops. The kid is underaged.”

        Ryo opened his mouth, somewhat astounded yet impressed.

        “O now you really owe me” he smirked, “I was gonna go back to claim my salary you know…”

Ryo bit his lower lip to suppress his grin then nudged his head onto Shige’s chest, one arm pulling him closer. “Loving me has made you smarter ne.”

        Shige stuck his chin down to look down at Ryo’s head of fluffy black hair, then gave a light whisk on his head. “Baka.”

         Ryo kneeled down and started cleaning up the mess, he had no idea how much this bottle of wine cost, but he hoped this was all a joke. The last thing he needed was more dept on his shoulders. Matsumoto heard the clatter and quickly came over and kneeled down to the lady apologizing for the waiter’s clumsiness and begging for forgiveness, he then went to bring over a new bottle of wine to the table. It was clear that Ryo was framed and he felt awful.

        The woman spoke up. “Raise your head boy.”

       What is she thinking? That she’s queen majesty? Ryo unwillingly lifted his head and looked at the lady. She was a woman in her mid forties, she didn’t look bad actually, hair tied in a bun, wearing a deep purple gown down to her knees and a pair of silver heels. A whitish silvery shawl made of fur lazily covering her shoulders. She breathed out a puff of smoke from her long cigarette looking amused. “You’re forgiven.”

        Ryo didn’t know how to feel. Although it wasn’t his fault in the first place, he was relieved to hear that that was the end of it. He stood up, bowed to the lady and left, not noticing her turning to whisper something in Matsumoto’s ear.

        Ryo went home and happily calculated his profits for the night. It was more than what he’d ever made for one whole day in the past. He looked at his cell phone, 13 missed calls from an unknown dialer. Ryo grinned, “It’s that baka Shige ne” his heart felt a warm flush as he entered [Baka] in the caller’s ID for the number.

        Ryo returned to the night club at about the same time that night, he wondered whether he was considered an employee now, he banged on the metal door at the back alley. Matsumoto popped his head out after some minutes and waved a cunning grin at Ryo.

        “Knew you’d be back.” The grin still unwiped from his face.

       “Well look here, you must have received quite some tips yesterday, look at the shoes and outfit, what a handsome lad!” He jeered.

        Ryo felt uneasy, but he needed the job. “I just, kinda forgot them yesterday…” “So do you still need a waiter tonight?”

        “Actually, our waiter came back.” Matsumoto gave Ryo a serious look.

        Ryo didn’t want to beg, as much as he wanted the money, begging was something against his pride, a virtue he held strongest to heart. He turned to leave.

        “Hey, hey …wait! I have something better for you!” Ryo stopped and looked up at the man now grinning ear to ear. Ryo followed Matsumoto once again to the locker room. “This is an even better deal” Matsumoto was in his advertising mode again. “You just sit around and drink, easy money.” Matsumoto turned around and stuffed a suit in the arms of the shorter man standing behind him.

        Ryo realized at that point what he meant. “What? I’m not going to be a host!” Ryo never felt more humiliated in his life.

        “Now, now..” Matsumoto lowered himself to level his face with Ryo’s. “Don’t try to derogate this career, it’s very respectable, besides, don’t you need the money?” Ryo wondered if “Poverty” was really printed on his forehead. He rolled his eyes and thought about his mother who worked as a prostitute almost all her life, it could never be as bad right? He thought, just drinking and chatting, he decided he really needed the money. Looking down and biting his lip, he sighed. “I’ll do it.”

        Matsumoto chuckled. “That a boy!” He caressed Ryo’s face “What a pretty face, wish I could join in the game…” He leaned in unexpectedly and kissed Ryo’s lips gently. “Now hurry and get changed.”

        Ryo froze, eyes widened in bewilderment.

      His shock was broken by a sudden loud ring from his cell phone. Ryo looked down at the screen. “Baka calling.” It read. Ryo quickly pressed a button to quiet down the phone that was making his heart more confused. “Yes? Nishikido Ryo desu.”

        “Nishikido kun? It’s Shige…about yesterday…” Shige sounded like a frightened cub asking for directions to its cave.

        “I can’t talk Shige…” Ryo jumped as Matsumoto poked his head in the door. “Ryo kun, hurry up, don’t want to be late for your virgin’s night!” he called.

        “Eh? What virgin night? Where are you Ryo?” Shige sounded frantic.

        “Look I really can’t talk.” Ryo crammed his phone shut and quickly changed into the suit, a Black Armani, white shirt and shiny black tie.

        He came out of the room astonished to be greeted by flashing disco lights and cheering. “Tonight, we present to you out newest member, Taisuke kun, 21 years old, height 5 foot 7. Our shy little boy here is waiting for your love! Cast your secret bids our lovely customers!” Matsumoto announced. Apparently they were given false identities. Matsumoto motioned to Ryo and passed him the mike, nudging him to say something. Ryo unwillingly took it over, so now he was an item on ebay?  “Taisuke desu, douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu” he mumbled and made a bow, the crowded cheered. “Cute!” The ladies screamed.

        Whilst they were waiting for the campaign to go on till it was time to read the bids, Matsumoto went and whispered to Ryo’s ear. “Dokidoki ne, hope you have a pretty lady for the laid. The money is split 6:4, we 6 of course.” Matsumoto grinned, “You probably should sit with your patron now, she’s probably the biggest chance.” The taller man guided Ryo’s gaze at the “Queen Majesty” from last night.

        Ryo swallowed. “What do you mean laid? That wasn’t in the job description…” Ryo inquired tentatively, he wasn’t ready to have sex with someone older than his mother.

        “There is no job description baby, what we do is to satisfy” he gave Ryo a push at the but, “Go on!”

        Ryo walked over to the Queen’s table. She was dressed in a white silk gown today with sparkling red heels and lips that matched the red. He dragged his feet, wondering how he could get over his pride.

        Sitting down at least a meter away from the lady, he lowered his head. “Konbanwa.” The lady blew out a puff of smoke from the long cigarette she delicately held between her two fingers and slid to sit closer to Ryo, with her other hand she picked up Ryo’s head under his chin and turned it to face her. “You’re gonna be mine tonight.” She whispered as she leaned in, dropping the hand and sliding it slowly from Ryo’s knee up his thigh. Ryo felt his muscles tightening. The lady leaned in more and licked Ryo’s ear. Ryo blushed in embarrassment as the lady giggled.

        “STOP THAT!” someone yelled.

        “HE BELONGS TO ME!”

 ***********************************************************************************************************************************
>_< '' another short chapter cutting in some small details till the big finale next time!
Thx to all who comment! I hope u loved this story and will wait for the last chapter!

 

        Ryo walked down the street head held low to hide his hideous face. They lived in a part of town where excitement happened during the night and not at day. Women dressed in flashy clothes and stilettos 4 inches high were seducing potential customers along the sidewalk.

        Ryo didn’t attract any of this, his whole look screamed of poverty, a scrunched white shirt and no shoes. The tired man looked down at his bare feet, in a rush he hadn’t put on shoes, but he wasn’t going to go back now. Ryo didn’t know where to go though, the past months he had been taking up two to three jobs during the day between school hours, tutoring high school students, waiting at diners, scrubbing cars, in the night he worked at road constructions returning home near dawn where he sat at his desk to write up his assignments till he had to go out for school again. His body was so exhausted it felt as if it were not his own.

        Big colorful lights flashed above, cars beeping their horns, drunken men wavered uncoordinatedly besides Ryo as he roamed aimlessly on the street. None attracted Ryo’s attention as he thought about his father. The father that always called him a bastard, the father that was tall and big, the father he resembled none of. I’m not his real son Ryo thought, even though his mother had reassured both him and his father many times, he knew it, he wasn’t his father’s son. He was a product of lust, not of love, he felt as if a crown was tightening around his head, he despised all this, he despised himself. He was genuinely a piece of trash salvaged by his father. A tear trailed down his smooth cheek at the thought. He recalled the two times he had had sex, with girls from his high school the faces now so blurry in his head, he didn’t love them, he didn’t even like them. It was just a fling, just a moment of impulse admixed with alcohol. Ryo frowned as he realized that he himself was just as disgusting as people he execrated. But he had never felt he loved anyone before, whatever love was.

        Shige’s face appeared on Ryo’s mind out of nowhere, the mere thought made him grin, he breathed out a small laugh. Teasing Shige had been the happiest moments he’s had in a long time, his heart ached at his pitiable loneliness and the thought that he might never see Shige again.

        It was too much money his father owed, literally impossible to pay back with the free lancing jobs Ryo did, he felt a temptation to just run away, but he didn’t want to leave his mother behind.

        “Hey kid” Ryo glanced up to the voice that he supposed was calling to him. The man was standing on some steps that led to a big metal door looking something like the back door to a fancy restaurant. Ryo wanted to ignore the man but was captivated by his allure. The man had a head of black curls, he was wearing a smart black suit and a violet blouse, buttons undone down to mid chest. His belt was sparkling from the ambient light shining over the diamonds adorned at the buckle. His leather shoes sleekly clean and shiny. The man fumbled a cigarette from a small silver case and raised it to his mouth. Ryo could see the long fingers embellished with shimmering gems and ruby rings and a big diamond watch on the wrist.

        “What do you want?” There was no way this man was gonna ask him for money and nothing was gonna be worse than that.

        “Need a few bucks? We’re short of a waiter tonight, good tips and fringe benefits.” The man sounded like a TV commercial.

        Ryo gave him a skeptical look “You sure?” and scanned himself from head to toe. “Your restaurant doesn’t look sleazy to me.”

        The man chuckled “You don’t look like you’d ask for a high salary, come on up!”

        Ryo groaned but followed the man in, now he understood why people had to dress decent for job interviews.

        He went through the metal door into a kitchen surprisingly small for a fancy restaurant, then he was lead to a locker room.

        “You’re not tall, these should fit you.” The taller man handed some garments to Ryo, Ryo frowned, he hated when people pointed out the reality to him. “By the way, I’m the manager around here, Matsumoto Jun, we’re not really a restaurant you’ll see, your main job is serving wine and bringing out fruits, just be humble and polite to our clients, you’ll get a lot of tips for that.” The taller man patted Ryo’s shoulder, smiled and leaned into Ryo’s ear “but you want to be careful with the wine, you’ll go shoeless for years if you break a bottle.” The man chuckled again and motioned to leave. “Do change quickly, our business will start soon.”

        Ryo looked around the room which resembled something like a changing room backstage with loads of expensive looking suits hanging on racks and a line of cushioned seats facing a wall of mirrors with light bulbs lining the borders. It was weird he thought, but gave up thinking too much as his head hurt again. Ryo changed into his straightly pressed white shirt, black trousers, black bowtie, black leather shoes and a black apron from the waist down. He checked himself in one of the mirrors. “Yosh! Ganbatte ne Ryo! Let’s try to make some money tonight!”

        Ryo went out of the room into a brightly lit room with chandeliers, big old European style sofas, crystal coffee tables and a marbled floor, he had never been to these places but was not stupid enough to realize this was a night club, a host club to be exact seeing all those flashy suits in the back room. Shit what have I gotten myself into.

        Ryo spent the rest of the night whizzing between smartly dressed men beaming with sex appeal and middle aged women in beautiful gowns and thick makeup. It wasn’t a difficult job although he had some trouble at first recognizing different alcohol, with his wit he quickly mastered the menu and was adapting very well to the scene. Matsumoto took a chance and skid to Ryo to whisper. “Boy, you’re fast becoming my favorite employee.” Before Ryo could duck, he tickled Ryo under his chin seductively sending shivers down his spine. Ryo didn’t mind though, he was receiving so much tips he was suddenly pumped with confidence that he’d be able to make it through.

        Ryo bowed with Matsumoto outside the large double doors of the night club to see off a wealthy lady into her luxurious car. Ryo ducked into a long and low bow truly thankful to the 5000yen he received from the lady. He stood up long after to find Matsumoto had already returned inside, as he was turning around to return inside himself a sudden hand pulled at his arm from behind. In astonishment he turned his head.

        “What are you doing here Nishikido?” Ryo widened his eyes in shock to find Shige looking worryingly at him.

        Ryo brushed off Shige’s hand forcefully when he finally broke out of his shock. “Why? Are you stalking me?” He could see the disappointment on Shige’s face and his insides turned, but he was somewhat enraged that Shige was here. Seeing him like this.

        “No…” Shige sounded jittery, “I’ve been calling you but you didn’t answer…” Ryo recalled that he had nothing on him when he left home. “I was worried so me and Koyama came looking everywhere for you… I figured you’d be in these areas since last time…”

        Ryo broke him off, “Why should you be so concerned?” he had had enough of Shige looking so uptight about him and it made him feel uneasy. He tried to sound aloof wishing he’d succeed.

        Shige continued with tears almost overflowing from the pool under his eyes. “Why did you quit school Nishikido kun? Please come back with me.”

        Ryo couldn’t look at Shige anymore, it made him feel like he had committed the crime of a century, so guilty and painful he wanted to rip his own heart out. Ryo turned to face the club and mumbled, “Shige, just go, we belong in different worlds now, I’m not going back…” He heard Shige weeping out loud as he hurried to go in so he could hear no more. “But I like you Ryo…” Shige cried between tears hoping Ryo would turn back. “I really like you…”

        Ryo slammed the door behind him as he stood with his back against them, breathing deeply to mitigate his racing heartbeat. What is he talking about? His heart was crushing in anguish, a feeling he had never felt before.

        The boy scrambled to a table to clean up hoping work would clear off his mind, somehow Shige always had to see him at his most embarrassing moments, Ryo winced. He felt something being throw at him all of a sudden and a man’s voice ordered “Go pick it up doggy!” then there was a lady’s giggling. This was a humiliating job but Ryo thought he could do nothing but bear with it, he crawled under the coffee table heart sinking to find the little square packet that was disposed at him. Holding it in his palm he crawled back out and handed it both handedly to the man, eyes squeezing tight to hold his tears, damn his pride. “Here you go Sir.”  

        “Now that your filthy hands have touched it, how can I use it anymore?” The host ridiculed and the lady giggled more. Ryo ignored and quietly turned to leave, as he rose, he felt the table being kicked and the bottle of wine fell to the marble floor and smashed. Ryo turned to observe in panic, the couple giggled as if it was the funniest joke on earth and Ryo wanted to punch their ugly faces in. The man stopped and looked at Ryo, straightening his coat and in a hypocritically pitying voice. “O dear, guess you’ll be scrubbing floors for the rest of your life!”

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More Ryo ^^ i'm so happy, altho he isn't >_<''
pls comment ne! love reading them..

     Ryo laid flat on his futon with his eyes closed tightly, his body ached and he felt as if it required all the energy in the world to lift one finger. He recalled the night he was beaten up and how he limped all the way home with blood he too weary to wipe off dripping from his mouth. He remembered seeing Shige, his heart flinched at the thought. What was that idiot doing there at that hour? He hated that his fragility was exposed.

        He didn’t know how long he had been lying there, but he decided he’d just stay that way forever. He blinked tightly again so the pool of tears would drain down his face, clearing up his vision momentarily.

        He heard clattering and sounds of broken glass coming from outside his dimly lit room. His father must have been back, yelling again at his mom and demanding for money.

        “What was that son of a bitch thinking?” His father barked. “Running up to the boss like that, bullshitting about the fucking lawful percentage of loans, whatever fucking justifiable years in prison, now they’re pushing me even more hard to pay back!” He heard his father slapping hard on his mother’s face. “Is that how you teach your bastard son to repay his father?” Ryo couldn’t help feeling ludicrous himself, for trying to reason with a bunch of people disparaging the whole concept of law.

        He heard his father motioning towards his room. “Where is that son of a bitch?” Ryo winced as his father insulted him and his mother. His father had never treated him like the son he thought he deserved. “Be grateful,” his father would always yell “to me who picked you guys out from the trash!” His father was a drunkard and a pathological gambler, causing him all his fortune. He always came home kicking chairs and breaking things. A reminiscence of Ryo scrunching to a corner of their small apartment holding a perfectly scored test paper he was trying to show his father flashed through Ryo’s mind, his mother sobbing as she desperately tried halting his husband from further damage. His mother would beg on her knees pulled at his father’s calf so he wouldn’t kick Ryo anymore. Ryo had pleaded his mother to leave his father when he got into his teenage, he couldn’t understand why his mother tolerated all this torture to a stage she was like a slave. Ryo had seen his father pushing his mother down and ripping open her clothes, then dictating Ryo to leave the house. Was that love? Ryo thought, love so strong she could endure any calamity? He couldn’t understand.

        His father stomped into the room. Ryo had grown to become petrified by his father. “Get up you bastard!” His mother was trailing behind, futile as always in stopping the frenetic man. She wept and kneeled on the ground, only to be slapped again by his father. “Shut up bitch!” Ryo’s heart  throbbed with pain, he wanted to run up and protect his mother, he wanted to fight back, but his body was too heavy for him to mobilize. His father was a tall man, strongly built, scars slashing across his face making it revolting to look at. The tall man hovered over Ryo like a hawk, Ryo could only squeeze his eyes shut and turn his head to one side prepared to have his neck strangled or face punched. The man kneeled down on one knee and picked up Ryo by the collar, Ryo moaned at the sudden pain and the recollection of a similar scene not long ago.

        “How do you plan to solve this huh?” The man yelled and whacked Ryo fiercely on one side of his face. Ryo could taste the iron-ny fluid streaming in his mouth. “You better bring some money back or not…” he flashed another fist before Ryo’s eyes and dropped the poor boy without any warning. His father stood up. “Gimme that!” he ruggedly yanked the necklace off his mother’s neck and stomped out of the room, kicking things on the way until Ryo could hear him leaving the apartment with a banging of the front door.

        Ryo felt his face flaming with pain, warm tears streamed down uncontrollably, sniffing to hold them back, he glanced at his mother, still weeping with one hand up to feel her neck, now empty. The necklace wasn’t anything expensive. Ryo had got it for her when he turned 18. “I promise I’ll get you prettier things in the future!” Ryo had vowed with so much fortitude the year he got accepted to Law school. “I’ll protect you forever!”

        Ryo remembered those words, he frowned at the aching reality that he now could no longer fulfill them, he had quit school, life would never change for the better anymore. He pushed his heavy body up and scrambled to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He turned on the tap to block out his mother’s sobbing, pushing against the sink to support his torso with one arm, he looked at the mirror to study his face. It was bruised and there were blood stains at the corner of his mouth. “What should I do?” Ryo sighed at the thought of his grave future. He splashed some water to his face and grabbed a towel to dry it. A small golden tube rolled onto the sink making a cling as he pulled the towel, Ryo looked down and his heart immediately sank.

        Yanking the door open he hurried to his mother. “What is this?” Ryo’s voice was angry but trembling, it wasn’t that he didn’t know it was a lipstick, but his mother hardly used any makeup now without reason. His mother looked up, then ducked again to escape the question. The woman was 40, slim and small framed, she had a beautiful face though now defaced by years of stress and lack of care. “Please tell me you’re not doing it again?” Ryo almost collapsed to his desolation at the answer he anticipated. His mother used to be a prostitute, she was young, beautiful and renowned among the red district, until she got pregnant. She was urged to have it terminated but she refused. She deemed she had found true love.

        Ryo knew when he came to his senses that his mother went in and out of prostitution to support his father. Ryo never confronted her to her face but made her promise she’d stop. She smiled and told Ryo he was her only pride and reason to live on and that she would stop.               

        Tears flowed down unknowingly again. None of them could keep their promises in the end.

        “Stay here.” Ryo commanded in a voice just above a whisper. “I’ll bring back the money.” He turned to leave without another look at his mother.

        His mother cried after him with a tearful and guilty voice. “I’m sorry Ryo-chan, I’m sorry… sorry I couldn’t support your tuition ..and made you quit to work…” She wept bitterly.

        Ryo didn’t turn back.

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^^ finally Ryo is taking up a main role in this story..
hope u like this chapter that's supposed to explain quite a lot..
pls comment!

“Ryo! Ryo! Answer me!” Shige couldn’t stop his tears from overflowing at the worry that Ryo has fainted or died, he was filled with panic as he shook the man forcefully.

        “Stop it…” Ryo tried to free himself from Shige’s hands.

        Shige suddenly realized he was hurting Ryo and stopped, feeling relieved to hear Ryo’s rude choice of vocabulary again. Ryo coughed and tried to open his eyes wider, squinting at the pain. He lifted one hand to wipe the blood off the corner of his lip with the base of his thumb. Shige could see Ryo’s teeth were stained red as well and his heart ached. Ryo pushed himself up on one elbow, then straightened the arm to get up from his lying position, Shige helped him sit up back resting on the lamppost.

        “What happened Ryo?” Shige asked worryingly in his tear muffled voice.

        Ryo breathed deeply as if it could ease the pain. He turned up an angle to face the taller boy kneeling beside him. Shige felt his heart ripping at the sight of Ryo’s beautiful face wounded and bleeding. The shorter man then spitted out the blood from his mouth and coughed.

        “When did you start calling me Ryo?”

        “Eh?!” Shige was taken aback by the sudden question. He didn’t know how to reply either, basically the word was just blurted out.

        “I…I… Why does it matter?! You call me Shige anyways!”

        Ryo chuckled softly making Shige’s heart flutter.

        The shorter man then scrambled to his feet with the help of the post. “…I call you Shige because it’s a name for bakas.” Ryo laughed, turning to leave.

        It was kind of annoying how Ryo always evaded giving straight forward answers, even when people were worried sick. Shige grabbed Ryo’s wrist as he was attempting to walk away. “No, you’re not leaving this time until I take you to the hospital.” Sounding as authoritative as he could.

        Ryo jolted Shige’s hand off and continued walking, limping as his left leg touched the ground each time. Shige chased a few steps.     

        “Don’t follow me!” Ryo’s voice was rough and dictatorial, halting Shige immediately. Shige languished as he felt his defeat, his inability to win against Ryo. He stared as Ryo’s silhouette disappeared in the darkness.

        Shige stood stunned for what seemed like hours, later finding himself terribly stupid to have let Ryo leave in that state. What if he gets ganged up again? What is he can’t run fast enough and gets run over by a car? Shige wanted to whack himself for his stupidity, he tried to run after Ryo looking for him, but Ryo was already nowhere in sight.  

        He picked up his phone and dialed Koyama’s number, the only thing his confused mind could bring him to do that moment. Koyama answered with a sleeping voice, half yawning. “Yes? Shige?” it was comforting to hear Koyama’s voice, Shige fell down on his knees and broke into tears.

Koyama went with Shige to school the next day, the boy’s eyes were swollen from too much crying, he looked exhausted. Koyama pulled Shige into a hug. “Tell me Shige, what’s going on?” All Shige could do was break down in Koyama’s shoulder.

        Shige sat at the corner. The seat that reminded him so much of Ryo, he sniffed hard and closed his eyes hoping to recall Ryo’s scent, but no traces of him were left. He blinked to hold back his tears, he had to stop crying, this was just too much. He sat there, mind blank till the lesson ended.

        “Kato-kun, could you come to my office after class?” Professor Kobayashi asked. Shige rasied and followed the professor to his office.

        “Well congratulations! You’ve won the scholarship Kato-kun, and also an internship at the Brooks and Peters Law office his summer!” The professor grinned widely.

        Shige tried to act excited. “Wow…thanks.” He suddenly remembered his main competitor Ryo.

“Eh? What about Nishikido?” Shige was quite sure Ryo deserved this as much as he did, if not more, recalling Ryo’s nimble answer to the Prof’s question on their assignment the last time while he himself was wishing he was invisible.

        “Nishikido-kun dropped out from school, didn’t you know?” The professor replied as if Shige was joking. “It’s a real pity, he really was a genius, his sharpness also adds to the charm of a lawyer, there’s no other candidate fit to compete with Nishikido gone, so the board decided you on the scholarship.”

        Shige’s heart sank, not because he had just been told he’d received victory for something cause nobody else was even competing, why did Ryo not tell him he had quitted school last night? As in, he really had every right to know, they were still partners for that assignment as much as they both detested it.

        “Why may I ask, why did Nishikido kun quit school?”

        “I’ve been told it’s for personal reasons” The professor replied as he ducked his head to search under his desk for a paper file. He handed the file to Shige. “This should be Nishikido kun’s part of the assignment, I didn’t read the contents yet, you should go and finish it Kato kun.”

        Shige stared at the file as if it were Ryo’s legacy.

        “Professor…” Shige’s voice was trembling. “Can I have Nishikido’s number?”

Shige felt his head spin as he listened to Yamapi’s words, His heart began to ache and his limbs drained of energy.

        “What do you mean?” Shige was near tears himself.

        Yamapi looked at Shige. “I mean, you’re in love and a person you care very much about is…” in the same tone he started off with, not apprehending Shige’s reaction. Shige stopped Yamapi midway, trying to override Pi’s voice with his own. “No, no, heh…” Shige lauged in a disbelieving way. “I get your words literally, I just think …just think you shouldn’t…” Shige closed his eyes forcefully to hold back his tears, but he was starting to lose his voice into a whisper.

        “Hey guys, what’s up?” Koyama brought the tray of food up to the table and sat down.

        Shige attempted to turn sideways to hide from Koyama’s view, but his tears couldn’t hold anymore as his mind overwhelmed with Yamapi’s words. He used to laugh when Yamapi all so seriously fiddled his cards and made his predictions about his friends, but he felt now as if a sword was pierced through his heart, being told to his face why his mind was so confused and his heart was aching all this time. He couldn’t believe himself, he was in love, in love with Ryo… and, was Ryo in danger?

        Koyama leaned in inquisitively “What happened Yamapi?”

        Yamapi pushed his lips together and bit the lower lip. “I can’t see the details, just saw that something wasn’t right.”

        Koyama frowned, he had always trusted Yamapi’s prophecy even though he was teased millions of times by Shige in the past about how he was too superstitious and how one should believe in nothing but themselves. He felt something fishy that Shige should be so concerned this time. “What’s going on?” He shrugged at Yamapi as he shaped out the word with no sound, patting Shige’s shoulder at the same time.

        Shige had his head held low, even before the buddies he’s known since forever, it was embarrassing to cry, that wasn’t his image, it felt demeaning. His tears dropped quietly as he wiggled so Koyama’s arm would slide off his back. He didn’t need more pity to make the dam in his eyes burst right now.

        Yamapi looked worryingly at Koyama and flipped out his lower lip, shrugging to indicate he had no clue either.

        Koyama breathed out deeply and in his kindest consoling voice turned to Shige. “Come on Shige, everything’s gonna be fine, let’s go to my mom’s ramen shop for dinner tonight, k? That place always cheers you up!” He smiled as his heart sank, he had never seen his best friend so vulnerable.

        Shige, out of his own will, was pulled along by Yamapi and Koyama to Koyama’s mom’s shop that night. He wanted to run away but his legs felt like marshmallows he reluctantly followed. It was ten something already, they always went to the shop late to avoid the crowds at dinner, and as Koyama’s mom would say, “don’t occupy all the space of people that are truly eating and paying” emphasizing on the paying part.

        They sat at a corner and Koyama brought out the bowls of ramen and a plate of gyoza. “Good thing Massu’s no here!” Koyama tried to lighten up the atmosphere.

        Shige didn’t feel like joking.

        “So tell us, what’s the problem?” Yamapi started. Koyama thought he was a bit blunt, but he was glad Yamapi started on the subject for him.

        Shige kept silent.

        “Shige?...” Koyama nudged softly.

        Shige grabbed the jug of beer in front of him and gulped down half the glass. “Ah! Yamapi told me today that someone I care about is gonna be in deep trouble, and I was like, no way? My mom just called from Osaka yesterday telling me that my grandma wasn’t doing very well, seems like her myocardial vessels or something was blocked blah blah, and she just might not live too long…” Shige made a fake I-am-ok smile. “I can’t believe Yamapi is so correct this time, you know? Man… and I always teased you guys…haaha” Shige had a whole speech in mind that he intended to blab out non stop so Koyama and Yamapi would stop their interrogations. “I really worry about my grandma, she had looked after me when I was young, gave me my first toy and ah… I think the first word I said was Obaachan!” Shige hoped his acting was convincing.

        Yamapi looked at Shige apologetically, “Jeez I’m sorry, maybe she’ll get better, have faith Shige.” Shige smiled grimly in a way of thanks.

        Koyama swallowed. He knew Shige inside out. That was just too lame an excuse to make, he sighed.

        They went on drinking and chatting on silly stuff that night until Koyama’s mom saw off the last customer with a bow and started wiping the counters. Koyama went to help out, the other two said their thanks and started to leave. “I'm taking a taxi.” Yamapi waved to Shige as he went the other way.

        “Yup! See you tomorrow!” Shige waved back with his most cheerful voice. He turned around and walked along the neon lit street, his smile faded as he continued on, the aching pain in his chest never seized. He was glad he was finally alone to confront his emotions. A tear dropped as Ryo’s face appeared again on his mind, one followed by another and soon he was weeping uncontrollably.

        “WHAM!” A tall dark figure kicked a shorter man powerfully in his stomach. The shorter man bended in reflex with his arms crossing to protect the epigastrium. Another two men approached from behind and pushed the young man down, kicking at his back and another stomping on the young man’s abdomen. The young man collapsed to the ground curling up attempting to shield off further attack but failing miserably.

        Shige watched with shock and curiosity as he abruptly stopped in his path. This part of the district was hovered with Yakuza at night but Shige had never been here late enough to run into their actual activities. He opened his eyes widely and wiped off the tears with the back of his hand. Apparently this was a bunch of guys ganging up on one person.

        “You do not speak to our boss that way.” The man in the black suit commanded. “What a joke? A lawyer? We don’t care if you are God!” The followers of the tallest guy chuckled in a despising way glaring down at the young man. One of them gave a few additional kicks to the helpless man on the ground and mocked. “What an idiot! Please spare us that nonsense, we can break your tiny body in half with one finger!” The tallest guy then pulled the collar of the young man’s shirt to lift him inches off the ground, Shige could see the man’s face was all bloody and bruised. The man whispered some words softly close to the young man’s face and dropped him forcefully back to the ground. The young man, already wounded badly, fell with a thump on the head and groaned softly, curling up once more like a baby seeking shelter in it’s mother’s womb.

        The guy in the black suit stood up and spitted down on the young man, the others sheered some more before they all left, leaving the young man on the cold pavement.

        Shige felt his frozen body began to oil again as the riot ended, he checked again that the Yakuza were gone and tiptoed hastily to the man curled up near the lamppost.

        “Are you ok?” his voice shivered as he anticipated the bloody face. He kneeled down to inquire again. “Hey, are you ok mister? Can you get up?”

       He caught a closer look of the blood stained face, horrified to see a familiar profile, the man was squeezing his eyes tightly in pain but Shige recognized those lashes, he recognized those lips that were being bitten so strongly that moment they turned pale white.

        “Oh my god…” Shige breathed out in awe, raising a hand to his mouth in disbelief, tears streaming down his face. “…Ryo…Ryo are you all right?”

“Hey…wait Nishikido kun!” Shige exclaimed. Shige’s heart sank, he really didn’t know how to deal with Ryo. “How am I supposed to do this? This is your idea, wake up!”

Ryo grinned but didn’t open his eyes.

Shige looked at Ryo and breathed out a sigh. His emotions were on a rolling coaster all thanks to Ryo. He stared at Ryo’s sleeping face, calm and peaceful. He noticed Ryo’s eyelashes were very long, like a girl’s. Shige giggled at the thought, for his friends he would have teased them looking so girly already, he wished he could speak so frankly and be at ease around Ryo, unfortunately it was the exact opposite. He couldn’t understand why he felt palpitations everytime Ryo was near.

        Shige gave up, placing an elbow on the table to support his head, he began writing out the project plan. He glanced at Ryo once in a while, Ryo slept like a quiet baby. Shige smiled, Ryo was extremely beautiful while he was sleeping, it was so harmonious and soothing to be working beside a sleeping angel. He hadn’t been so productive in a while but in the hour or so, he already had the whole plan written out.

        Ryo woke up near class end. Shige almost jumped when Ryo opened his eyes as he was starring so intently at Ryo, studying his features.

        Ryo yawned and sat up, stretching his arms to his back.  He looked at Shige with his half closed, half opened puppy eyes.

“I saw you in my dream.” Ryo said in a monotonous voice.

Shige was astonished. “WHAT? What was it about??”

“I don’t really know what you were doing…” Ryo replied in the same tone. “and your scribbling, it’s too loud…” Ryo reached out to grab the piece of paper Shige was writing on. “Is this our plan? I do this part right?” He ripped his part out and shoved the piece of paper in his bag, rising to leave.

“Wait!” Shige tried to stop Ryo walking out on him again. “There are parts I might need to further elaborate on…”

Ryo turned around and studied Shige with a serious frown.

“You look cute in pink.” And walked out.

Shige looked down at his outfit that day. Jeans, white buttoned shirt and black suit coat. He didn’t see the slightest speck of pink on himself. Did I wear pink yesterday? The day before? The first time we met? Shige frowned as he tired to remember what he was wearing everyday since the day he and Ryo met. No pink recalled. His insides turned as he reviewed the image of Ryo turning to say the sentence. Then he recalled the other day Ryo turned and said Shige could try taking his clothes off on him. Shige decided to conclude that everytime Ryo turn to say something it had to be something weird. “Yup, that should be it” Shige thought out loud, “should bear no special meaning” Shige smiled to himself convinced that he had solved the case.

He met Koyama by the locker after school.

“Hey, do you think I’ll look good in pink?”

“Whaa? Why? You want an image change?” Koyama was excited.

“No, hey, I was just thinking about this color for instance…”

“I can imagine it right now! Bunny ears and a pink coat of fur!” Koyama chuckled as he pulled out an imaginary tape and pretended to measure Shige’s arms.

Shige ducked and giggled along, glad to have a friend like Koyama to get his mind off things.

They didn’t have Professor Kobayashi’s class in the next few days and Shige missed Ryo’s presence. Despite being attacked constantly by Ryo’s unforgiving remarks, he found himself enjoying being around the sarcastic Ryo, there was a certain calmness admixed with excitement that made Shige’s heart go dokidoki when he was with Ryo. He thought maybe the petite Ryo was camouflaged in the crowds of people every day, he tried coming in late to class so he could squirm to the corner seat at times, dejected only to find Ryo nowhere in sight.

The next day they finally had Kobayashi’s lesson. Shige anxiously came into the classroom way ahead of time to check the room, making sure he wouldn’t miss any student’s face. He sat at the corner eagerly waiting for Ryo to show up.

The class went by and Ryo didn’t show up, Shige felt his heart plummet to his stomach.

Ryo didn’t show up the whole of the other week either. Shige was beginning to feel distraught and kinda cheated. He was sitting alone in class everyday trying to do their assignment with his mind flooded with anger yet worries for Ryo. He wished he had Ryo’s number so he could call to yell at him, he thought about asking the professor for it but pictured Ryo’s brusque comments about him going to the teacher again and decided to put off the matter.

But he couldn’t put it off. His mind was obsessed with thoughts of Ryo, he needed to talk to Ryo, to see Ryo’s face. He hated himself for getting so uptight about Ryo’s matters but he didn’t understand why either…

Shige slopped down on a chair at their table in the cafeteria. Koyama offer to do the queue waiting so Shige could rest, he looked horrible with dark circles around his eyes. Yamapi and Tegoshi were at the table. Yamapi was arranging his tarot cards neatly in front and Tegoshi was leaning on the table beaming with curiosity.

“How is it? Are we going to last long? Will he fall for somebody else?” Tegoshi inquired eagerly. Yamapi studied literature and history and was overly fond of fortune telling.

“Hey wait, not so much questions at once cutie” Yamapi studied the cards in front on him. “I’m afraid your relationship isn’t going to be as smooth as you would wish…”

Tegoshi almost bursted into tears. “No? Why? What’s going to happen?”

“Relax, relax, just a few pebbles on the way, you’ll be able to overcome it, and it says here your lover is responsible and devoted…” Yamapi tried to put his proverbs in the mildest words. “It’ll be fine Yuya, just keep that sweet smile on please…” Yamapi turned to Tegoshi and gave a reassuring smile.

Tegoshi brushed his eyes and looked up.

“Don’t scare me like that Yamashita kun.” And pouted, he went over and lightly pecked on Yamapi’s cheek. “Thanks” he smiled sweetly as he skipped off to join Massu in line.

Shige smirked at Yamapi. “Come on Yamapi, don’t induce superstitions.”

“Have faith Shige.” Yamapi was piling his cards, he raised his brow and gave Shige a bothered shot. “I can feel a dark aura around you, do you need some advice?”

 Shige felt his guts making a knot, he swallowed and looked at Yamapi. “What do you see?”

Yamapi realigned some cards on the table and closed his eyes in a meditating manner. Shige felt his heart racing as he waited nervously.

The older man suddenly opened his eyes and gave Shige a burning glare.

“You’re in love.” Yamapi said bluntly.

“and a person you care very much about is in deep trouble.”

The rest of the day crept on by, Shige wasn’t able to concentrate on anything in class, all he could think of was Ryo’s face and what he said. He was pissed though, not knowing what to do with their project. “Partnering with any other person person might have been better…” He was angry at himself for feeling so excited and blessed yesterday. “I’m really a baka na…if I’m gonna have to do all this myself, one of those pretty girls with big boobs would serve a much more interesting companion…”Shige whispered to himself, at the back of his head however, he was becoming more and more intrigued by Ryo.

        Shige met his friends in the coffee shop across the street from their uni after school. Koyama and Massu were waiting already, Massu with a huge plate of fries in front and munching away. Shige saw his friends and sat down.

        “Hey you look beat today, what happened to the all cheery Shige with strange smiles from yesterday” Koyama scoffed.

        Shige glared at Koyama, not wanting to answer, Koyama sometimes got on his nerves for seeing everything too clearly it was difficult to hide from him. He turned to Massu. “Massu you stink!” trying to change the subject.

        Massu pouted and looked up, “I think it’s the mud on my sneakers, I’ve been running around in them all day…”Massu was a sports major.

        “Well change out of them man!” Shige hoped he sounded light hearted enough to tease around, he could still feel though, Koyama starring at him with worried eyes. He just hoped Koyama would stop being so understanding and empathetic once in a while, he just needed some time to gather his thoughts.

        Tegoshi came running to their table hearing Shige yell at his boyfriend. “Hey! What’s with the harsh words!” Tegoshi wrapped his arms around Massu’s right arm and sat next to him. Massu fed him a fry and Tegoshi willingly opened his mouth. “Mmm, oichi!” Tegoshi gleamed.

        “Enough with the public display of affection!” Shige laughed out, “I’m losing my appetite!”

        Massu and Tegoshi both gave a little pout and glared at Shige, and then continued feeding each other, ignoring everyone around them.

        Koyama turned to Shige with his renowned concerned face. “What is it with you? I do feel something’s wrong… you can tell me you know.”

        “Hey, it’s really nothing” Shige forced a grin. “Just that I’ve been put into this group with an idiot who’s totally refusing to work or discuss at all, you know… I really can’t afford to have my grades pulled down cause of this…” Shige decided that blaming his worries to school work sounded most rational and suitable for an elite.

        Massu looked up. “You know, if she is cute, I really don’t mind doing all the work. Haha” He stopped his joking immediately as Tegoshi shot lasers at him with his big pair of eyes.

        Shige looked down. “Well…he is pretty cute…”

        “HE!!!” all three of them gasped in unison, suddenly being so attentive.

        “OOOO!! Tell me about him!” Tegoshi got excited and began leaning on the table. “How cute is he? Like me? Tell me tell me Shige!!”

        Shige looked up. “Damn me and my big mouth.”

        Massu sat up suddenly in a serious manner and placed an arm around Tegoshi’s shoulder. “ Ya, you can tell us, maybe we can help.” Tegoshi turned his head to face Massu and grinned, then made a light peck on Massu’s lips.

        Shige actually really thought he wanted to consult Massu on something, but he didn’t know what, and not now, not here, and seriously he couldn’t put down his dignity to ask something so… unintelligent sounding, especially when he always acted cool and indifferent about relationship matters.

        “Come on! Don’t get us all curious and suddenly stop!” Tegoshi whined.   

        “Eh!? Hey… (cough) you guys got this totally wrong!” Shige let out a fake laugh. “It’s not about this at all.”       

        Tegoshi slopped back to sitting normal in his chair and pouted. “Shige, you’re so borning ne!”

        Koyama shot another look at Shige sending a lurch down his stomach.

        The weekend passed and Shige was back to Kobayashi’s class he now dreaded so much. The students were now accustomed to sitting with their partners. Shige groaned at the scene and lazily slopped into the corner seat. Ryo wasn't there as expected.

        “Class, I’m sure you had ample time during the last few days to have some concrete plan by now on how your projects should be done, I’ll just go around the groups and you guys could tell me about your ideas and topic chosen so we could all learn something and give some suggestions maybe.” “So, we’ll start here.” The professor went over to the other corner of the room.

        Shige breathed out a sigh of relief in the midst of panic, he literally gave no thought on the assignment at all the weekend, whenever he tried to do some research, Ryo’s face popped in his mind and Shige had to go though extra effort, either playing video games or reading silly manga to put his mind off Ryo. He’s given up thinking of the project altogether afterwards.

        Shige’s heart raced as each group gave proposals and visions of their project. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Everyone had almost spoken up and it was approaching his turn. The professor went up to him and Shige could feel the whole class focusing on him waiting for his brilliant ideas, Shige could feel his face burning up, never once in his life had he been so nervous to speak up, had he not had perfectly thought out answers.

        Suddenly the classroom door opened and Ryo came in. Ryo realized that the whole class was now starring at him and did a little nod with his head. The professor, seeing Shige look so puzzled, directed his question to the constant late comer.

        “Nishikido-kun, we’ve been discussing on our assignments, care to enlighten us on your group’s ideas?

        Shige wanted to grin the biggest grin he could possibly reach with the corners of his mouth, he felt Ryo in some way deserved punishment for the humiliation and frustration he’d undergone for him. He lowered his head and devilishly pended Ryo to reply.

        Ryo flopped his bag on the desk and stood at his seat. “Oh..” Ryo started with a casual tone. “We’ve decided on account of the increasing economic turmoil and globalization’s effects, we’ll do a case study on an individual investor affected by the Lehman mini bonds and it’s legal implications on the local banking system…”

        Shige shot Ryo an incredulous look, amazed at Ryo’s spectacular calmness and poise. The whole class and the professor were clearly tricked and believed that this was their well planned idea after thorough research. They looked impressed. “Well that certainly is a matter we’re all concerned about indeed. I’ve got to admit I myself was affected to some extent by this incident… a case study would be a perfect approach, well done boys…”

        Shige could hear scatters of clapping behind him, he slid lower in his seat and hoped no one would give him any more attention.

        Ryo sat down beside Shige. Shige studied him a little. There were no traces of panic or sweat on Ryo’s face. “What a confident fellow…” Shige thought. Ryo was looking very good that day, bangs pushed to 2 sides forming a slanted V shape, wearing khaki trousers, a T-shirt and a navy blue knitted parka.

        “Mmm… so when did we decide on that?” Shige began.

        Ryo crossed his arms in front on the table and rested his head on them, turning to one side to look at Shige. “I’ve drained my brain enough today, you mind planning the rest of that?”

        He didn’t wait for Shige to respond before he closed his eyes ready to nap.

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This is the wonderful picture I adore so much that inspired me of Ryo's outfit and his posture in the last scene. ^^


but gomen ne Ryo!! and i call myself your die hard fan...why do u speak so little in my story... -___-...
Please comment everyone! comments are love~! 
 

        Shige kept thinking about Ryo and how to open their conversation that night he hardly slept, when he suddenly woke up to the warm sun in his eyes the next morning, it was already 30 minutes to class.

        “Shit!” Shige quickly jumped into his clothes and ran to the station. When he arrived in school, he was pretty late.

        Shige had never been late, he lowered his head into a bow immediately as he entered the classroom. “ I’m sorry I’m late!”. The classroom was filled with noises of chatting and discussions, Shige raised his head and looked around, people were coupled in their respective groups discussing away on their assignments, nobody noticed him being late, or even being there at all.

        The professor went up to him, I’m giving you guys this lesson to start your planning, go find your partner please. His hand showing Shige to the direction Ryo was sitting. Shige gulped and looked at Ryo sitting at the corner. Ryo glared at him, head slightly tilted down.       

        Quickly scrambling to the seat beside Ryo, Shige tried to find the right words to apologize. Damn it! He thought, this was definitely not how he planned all night for their first interaction to be like.

        Before Shige could say anything, Ryo spoke up.

        “I thought I was late enough.” Ryo clearly sounded offended.

        Shige glanced up at Ryo, he’d never been this close to Ryo before, and he never realized from afar, that Ryo was really as handsome as people had described. Ryo was not wearing a cap that day and Shige saw more clearly the strands of jet black hair lightly hovering over the dark gleaming eyes, his features were strong and his pair of pale pink lips looked moist and inviting. Ryo was breathtakingly beautiful indeed, for girls, and maybe as Koyama had suggested, guys.

        Ryo shot another look at the dumbfounded and silent Shige. “You’re not dumb are you?”

        Shige came out of his daze and quickly apologized. “ I’m really sorry I was late.” Not failing though to recognize the harsh words Ryo used. Shige would have snapped if any other person said that to him. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t angry at all hearing Ryo say that.

        “So how should we start?” Shige tried to sound professional, even though his mind then was flooded with excitement and Ryo.

        Ryo looked up. “I’m really busy recently, do you think we could get this done in a week or less?”

        Shige looked at Ryo surprised. “But…but this is quite a big project you know… and we’re supposed to represent our school, and…and like we’re expected to do outstandingly…” he didn’t know why he was stuttering but he was too disappointed that moment he couldn’t seem to find the words to retort. He had hoped this was the beginning of a long encounter for them. Shige was hoping for enough time to get to know Ryo in person, and maybe start a miraculous friendship.

        Ryo rolled his eyes and looked at Shige again. “You’re really more baka than I had thought.”

        Nobody had ever called Shige a baka, not to mention “MORE baka”, Shige swallowed and looked at Ryo, he really needed a stronger emotional quotient to withstand Ryo’s poison tongue.

        “Look, I don’t really care about this project thing, if you have any big ideas, you can do your part, I’ll do mine, and we’ll just combine them together, how’s that?”

        “I… I don’t think that’s a good idea… we need to (cough, cough) communicate, you know…to make the outcome perfect…” Shige hoped he could convince Ryo to take him, or rather to take the project seriously.

        Ryo looked irritated. “Shige? Can I call you that? I’m not sure you got what I meant. I’m not interested on dwelling on this for longer than it should, if you have any objections, you can add anything extra to the parts I do, I won’t complain.”

        Shige was shocked Ryo was so at ease as to call him Shige, and only at their first meeting, but he was more frustrated at Ryo’s attitude, he was clueless on how to make Ryo follow his idea, usually he had no problems making everyone follow him, not to mention “worshipping” him. Shige thought, he could probably resort to the most childish yet effective method at times like these. “ I’ll tell the professor you’re not co-operating.” He tried to act composed.

        Ryo sneered and raised his brow. Shige froze seeing Ryo’s teethed smile, the smile totally changed his face from dark and cool to looking all bright and cute, Shige felt his heart shudder.

        “You’re such a kid Shige” he breathed out another small laugh, “or a girl..” Ryo grabbed his bag and lifted it on one shoulder, rising from his chair ready to leave.

        Shige frantically tried to think of something to retort and compensate his former doltish remark. “Girls don’t do that you know... they take off their clothes…”

        It surprisingly did stop Ryo in his track.

Ryo turned his head and smirked. “You can try that on me.”

        Ryo walked out before Shige could gather his brain cells to work out what Ryo meant. He starred at Ryo’s back, then at the slamming door, mouth half opened and speechless.

        What was that?! Shige felt himself flaming up, heart beating fast, thinking of the past 10 minutes with Ryo. He slowly directed his gaze to the notes and textbooks in front of him. “So what are we gonna do??”